Tennis jokes

EXCLUSIVE, News, Visitors

tennisjokespictureShort shots | To the point

Where do ghosts play tennis? ”
On a tennis corpse!

How many tennis players does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
What do you mean it was out, it was in!

What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball?”
“See you round…”

Why is tennis a noisy game?”
Because each player raises a racket.

Why are fish never good tennis players?”
Because they don’t like getting close to the net.

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?”
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.

Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?”
Because to them ‘love’ means nothing.

What is James Bond’s favourite sport?”
(Scottish accent) Oh-Oh-Tennish.

Long shots | Volley funny

Two tennis players were fed up in a restaurant and decided enough was enough, it was time to speak out about the ‘double fault’ there – namely the poor ‘service’ and noisy ‘racket’. But they did give the waiter a ‘backhand’ complement as they ‘set’ off home.

A jogger stumbled across a brand new tennis ball while out in the park early one morning. As no one was around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts to take home for his dog – Martina – to play with.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A blonde girl on her way to the office stood next to him and couldn’t stop staring at the large bulge in his shorts and quickly asked “What’s that?

“Tennis ball,” replied the exhausted jogger.
“Oh dear,” added the blonde sympathetically.
“That must be really, really painful, I remember being in agony when I had tennis elbow last year!”

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Ticket Prices

2013 AEGON International, Get Tickets, Tickets

Anyone for tennis?

Smashing time: Eastbourne Tennis

AEGON International 2013 tickets

The ace 2013 AEGON International promises the usual array of exciting top-class tennis, with tickets available to be purchased in from the Ticket Factory Sales Advisors.

General sale of tickets available via TELEPHONE HOTLINES: 0121.780.3127 & 0121.789.4133.

The 2013 Ticket Prices are as follows:

Adult prices (child prices in brackets)

Saturday 15 June – Free  (Centre Court),  Free (No1 Court) and Free (Ground Pass)

1st Qualifying Round (Men & Ladies), 10.30am

Sunday 16 June  – £27 (£10), £20 (£5) and £14 (Free)

Legends Exhibition, 2ndQualifying Round (Men & Ladies) and 1st Round (Men), 11am

Monday 17 June – £40 (£12), £20 (£5) and £14 (Free)

3rdQualifying Round (Ladies) and 1st Round (Men & Ladies), 11am

Tuesday 18 June – £40 (£12), £20 (£5) and £15 (Free)

1st Round (Men & Ladies), 11am

Wednesday 19 June – £40 (£12), £20 (£7) and £15 (Free)

2nd Round (Men & Ladies), 11am

Thursday 20 June – £40 (£12), £20 (£7) and £15 (Free)

Quarter-finals (Men & Ladies), 11am

Friday 21 June – £43 (£14), £18 (£5) and £15 (Free)

Semi-finals (Men & Ladies) and Men’s Doubles Final, 11am (10am)

Saturday 22 June – £43 (£14), N/A and £5 (Free)

Finals (Men & Ladies) and Ladies Doubles Final, 12.45pm (10am)

Getting there

2013 AEGON International, Getting There, Visitors

Devonshire Park, College Road, Eastbourne, East Sussex. England. BN21 4JJ

devonshireparkmap

Devonshire Park, situated a stone’s throw off Eastbourne’s seafront, is the perfect setting for top class tennis and is highly accessible from all over the world.

The lawn tennis club plays host to the Davis Cup and County matches, as well as the traditional last chance for players to warm-up for Wimbledon.

AIR | London Gatwick

Eastbourne is located within an hour’s journey from London Gatwick international airport, and such accessibility seems to which helps to attract players and spectators to the annual Wimbledon warm-up tournament.

BUS | Other towns & local

Services from other towns come directly to Eastbourne. During the tournament, the 55 bus for Meads operates from the bus precinct near Eastbourne train station, close to Devonshire Park.

ROAD | Car, bicycle & motorbike

Since 2008, parking restrictions have been imposed within the Eastbourne town centre. For visitors, the main approach roads are the A27from Brighton, the A259 from Hastings and the A22 from London.

SEA | Newhaven & Channel Tunnel

As one of Britain’s most popular seaside resorts, Eastbourne has good sea connections. The port of Newhaven lies 15 miles away while the Channel TunnelDover and Folkestone are around two hours away.

SHUTTLE BUS | Train station & car parks

A special shuttle bus operates during the main draw (Monday-Saturday) of the AEGON Tournament from Eastbourne train station and certain major car parks directly to Devonshire Park.

TAXI | Hotels & around town

The taxi services in Eastbourne tend to be reliable. Taxi ranks line up outside Eastbourne train station, and hotels recommend their favourite taxi services. Both public and private hire taxis are available.

TRAIN | Ashford, Brighton & London 

Eastbourne has excellent connections with important destinations like Ashford International (65 minutes), Brighton (45 minutes) and London Victoria(85 minutes).

WALK | Town centre 

There are various routes to devons hire Park, and regulars to the tennis event will know their own ‘special’ shortcuts. Most hotels are within a 10 minute walk, while Eastbourne train station is a 15 minute walk away.

parking in eastbourne

CAR PARKS | Locals attempt to cash in during the tennis event by charging £10 and upwards to park on their property.

Beware of the claims the money is going to charity, although some may be genuine.

The best bet is to use the three official car parks, as they are all linked to Devonshire Park by a special shuttle service bus during the tournament.

There are two NCP car parks, situated at Ashford Road and Trinity Place, plus a special makeshift car park at the Saffrons Cricket Ground in Meads Road.

OFF-ROAD PARKING | Parking is always at a premium during the popular tournament, and has been much more difficult to claim a space since 2011.

Parking restrictions were imposed in Eastbourne town centre since early 2009. The parking enforcement officers will be out in force to swiftly deal with anyone dumping their vehicles on double yellow lines and/or private properties – you’ve been warned!

Parking

2013 AEGON International, Parking, Visitors

parking in eastbourne

CAR PARKS |

Locals attempt to cash in during the tennis event by charging £10 and upwards to park on their property. Beware of the claims the money is going to charity, although some may be genuine. The best bet is to use the three official car parks, as they are all linked to Devonshire Park by a special shuttle service bus during the tournament. There are two NCP car parks, situated at Ashford Road and Trinity Place, plus a special makeshift car park at the Saffrons Cricket Ground in Meads Road.

OFF-ROAD PARKING |

Parking is always at a premium during the popular tournament, and will be much more difficult to claim a space in 2011. With the men’s ATP Tour playing alongside the women’s Sony Ericsson WTA Tour, there will – in theory – be twice as many vehicles as previous years when only the ladies event was played. Because parking restrictions have been imposed in Eastbourne town centre since early 2009. The parking enforcement officers will be out in force to swiftly deal with anyone dumping their vehicles on double yellow lines and/or private properties – you’ve been warned!

Ticket Prices/Order of Play

2013 AEGON International, Get Tickets, Order of Play, Tickets

 

Anyone for tennis?

Smashing time: Eastbourne Tennis

AEGON International 2013 tickets

The ace 2013 AEGON International promises the usual array of exciting top-class tennis, with tickets available to be purchased in from the Ticket Factory Sales Advisors.

General sale of tickets available via TELEPHONE HOTLINES: 0121.780.3127 & 0121.789.4133.

The 2013 Ticket Prices are as follows:

Adult prices (child prices in brackets)

Saturday 15 June – Free (Centre Court),  Free (No1 Court) and Free (Ground Pass)

1st Qualifying Round (Men & Ladies), 10.30am

Sunday 16 June  – £27 (£10), £20 (£5) and £14 (Free)

Legends Exhibition, 2nd Qualifying Round (Men & Ladies) and 1st Round (Men), 11am

Monday 17 June – £40 (£12), £20 (£5) and £14 (Free)

3rd Qualifying Round (Ladies) and 1st Round (Men & Ladies), 11am

Tuesday 18 June – £40 (£12), £20 (£5) and £15 (Free)

1st Round (Men & Ladies), 11am

Wednesday 19 June – £40 (£12), £20 (£7) and £15 (Free)

2nd Round (Men & Ladies), 11am

Thursday 20 June – £40 (£12), £20 (£7) and £15 (Free)

Quarter-finals (Men & Ladies), 11am

Friday 21 June – £43 (£14), £18 (£5) and £15 (Free)

Semi-finals (Men & Ladies) and Men’s Doubles Final, 11am (Gates open at 10am)

Saturday 22 June – £43 (£14), N/A and £5 (Free)

Finals (Men & Ladies) and Ladies Doubles Final, 12.45pm (10am)

Centre Court guide

2013 AEGON International, Visitors

Devonshire Park is a world class arena, and plays host to Davis Cup matches, County Cup finals as well as the traditional grass court tournament held the week before the Wimbledon Championships. 

But with four very different stands, it is worth choosing with care where to find the most suitable seating at Eastbourne. And do remember that the town is known as “the sunshine coast” for a reason, so bring your sun lotion.

North stand

NORTH STAND | This is the most popular place to sit, as it is set behind the baseline. Arguably the best seating on Centre Court if you want to join the traditionally vocal crowd and soak in the sunshine. It is fairly well known that Eastbourne is famously known as ‘the sunshine coast’.

>> In the event of evacuation exit at gates 5 & 6.

east stand

EAST STAND | This has, over many years, proved to be most popular with those regular fans who turn up annually to watch world-class tennis at Devonshire Park. Positioned on the side of the Centre Court, these seats attract the local sunshine all day (so do bring your sun lotion).

>> In the event of evacuation exit at gates 6 & 7.

South stand

SOUTH STAND | Offers exactly the same view as the TV cameras, which is useful if you are going to watch most of the tournament from the comfort of your own home. Tickets are usually available on the day for the South Stand, except for the semi-finals and finals, and is where the players’ entourage and coaches sit.

>> In the event of evacuation exit at gates 7 & 8.

West stand

WEST STAND | This seems to host a more conservative bunch of fans than any of the other stands. They generally are a more reserved but civilised bunch, so do not expect many quips from the West Stand. However, once the sun starts dropping it tends to leave fans shivering in the shade, so bring a jumper or two.

>> In the event of evacuation exit at gates 5 & 8.